It's Just
by cg's-gal-72689
Summary: Part 4 of the "It's Just..." series. This time, we go into Toby's head. "It's Just a Joke." Some TobyAndi thrown in there. Please R&R.
1. It's Just A Pen

It's Just A Pen

AN: After watching the West Wing last night, I noticed when Charlie walks over that Donna is looking at the pen that Josh gave her. So, from that, I decided to write a little fluff piece from Donna's POV. Takes place at the end of Third-Day Story. ENJOY!!

It's a pen.

Yup, just a pen.

So why am I sitting here staring at it like it's a crown jewel or a new credit card? Why am I so enamored with the fact that I got a pen? It's a pen.

It's the pen that Josh got for me. He said that he was going to stop taking "blood donors" for granted.

And I was a blood donor. He was going to stop taking me for granted...

And now I know the reason why I love the pen. It's not the pen. It's the fact that Josh beat out delegates and senators and other staff members to get me this pen.

When Charlie came over I thought he would notice that I was staring at the pen. Luckily he didn't. Then, he told me about how the President made him promise to quit once he graduated college. It hit me when he walked away that Josh had never talked to me about me going back to college.

Did he care that I didn't even have a college degree? Did he care that I was probably one of the least qualified people working in the white house?

Something else hit me then. No, he didn't care. Instead, he had me work with congressmen and foreign leaders and the President. He let me go to a foreign country and sit in on peace talks with the CODEL and learn about the people of Arab nations.

He didn't care that I wasn't qualified. He didn't care that I was in a wheelchair and that I couldn't come at his every call. He came to me. He could have used the intercom, but he came to me.

He came to me in Germany. He came to me at the airport. He came to me at the office. These were all things that most people would not expect Josh Lyman to do. But he did them for me.

Of course, he could just be acting nice because I'm hurt. He could have just needed his assistant back. He may just feel bad for being the one that sent me to Gaza.

Or I may just give my mind permission to think what it wants because I want it to be true that Josh may...

What do I want to come after that? I want it to be true that he may love me. That was easy enough. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't.

I like the first one better. So, like I said, I'll live in fantasies.

I guess it's the common math problem. A equals B, B equals C, so A equals C. With a little difference.

Josh gave me the pen. I love the pen. I love Josh. So A gives C B, C loves B, so C loves A.

I was never good at math anyway. But I loved it and I loved him.

Wow, I got all this from a pen.

AN: So? Like, dislike? Please review. I have an idea of a series I want to start with all the obsessions that the West Wing staff have. Next time on "It's Just..." we have CJ with "It's Just A Job".


	2. It's Just A Job

It's Just a Job

AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed Part 1 of this!! It was so encouraging to see as many reviews as I did! This is Part 2, from CJ's POV, starting right at the end of Third-Day Story. There's some CJ/Danny stuff in this, but just thoughts, no interactions. Enjoy!

He told me to jump off a cliff.

And then I denied the urge to tell him that I've been there and done that before.

How can he be giving this job to me? I'm the Press Secretary! It should go to Josh or Toby. They know about military actions and how to handle angry congressmen. I just handle crazy reporters who have nothing better to do than follow me around and ask me questions even after I have told them to shut up.

Multiple times.

This thought reminds me of my old annoying reporter.

Danny had been gone for so long that sometimes I forgot him. Multiple times in the last year I found myself searching the news sites for articles he had published or commented in. I wanted to find him. I wanted to find out if he was ever coming back.

Which it didn't seem like he was. About a year ago he had been writing for the New York Times. Then about six months ago he worked in Seattle for a while. Three months ago he dropped off the map.

Deep down, a part of me had wished he was coming back then. He wasn't a White House reporter anymore. When stuff, I guess stuff is the most appropriate term for it, happened between us, I had pulled away because he was a White House reporter.

If he had come back, I would have been enthralled. If he came back now, I'd be enthralled.

It's just a job. I keep repeating that. But, as I had been told, we're talking about the potential co-President.

How am I going to do this?

When people look at the Chief of Staff, they expect to see someone who will keep the President in line and give him good advice.

I don't know much about the military. All I know is what I've read in briefings and the small amount I've been part of planning/handling. And, I'm afraid of keeping the President in line. I'm too afraid that I will say the wrong thing or not say something with respect and get my wrist slapped for it.

Leo had a heart attack after having this job. Am I strong enough to handle this?

I bet if Danny was here, he'd be telling me of course I could. And then he'd make some inappropriate joke or ask me out just to get my mind off of it.

He used to keep me going. He'd tell me to keep my head in the game or give me a heads up just to protect me. It was moments like that where I felt like I belonged because I had the respect of this reporter who had a Pulitzer Prize and was so respected in the journalism field.

Who would be there to tell me I was doing okay? Would there be someone to make me laugh when all I wanted to do was hide?

I had to be strong. I'm going to be the highest ranked woman in America. I couldn't go out there with anything but a smile on my face.

It couldn't be that hard.

It's just a job.

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

AN: So, there is the second installment of the "It's Just..." series. The lyrics at the end were from "Broken" by Seether featuring Amy Lee. Next time will be Josh's POV, "It's Just a Thought".


	3. It's Just A Thought

It's Just A Thought

AN: Hello again, welcome to part 3 of the "It's Just..." series! I am so sorry it took me this long to update, I really meant to do it Wednesday. But then I totally forgot and thought that I had updated and this morning I smacked my head and said "You idiot, you forgot to update." So, here it is! This chapter is all about Josh and what was going on in his head at the end of Third-Day story. This also has J/D in it, which you can probably tell from the first line, because the world would be a lot better if the writers just gave in to the fans. Please review!

I love you.

Simple enough. Words I had told to many people at many times.

But this time, it wasn't said. It was just a thought.

A thought that I had heard so many times and craved to make known, but I couldn't. I couldn't tell her because I was so afraid she'd leave. If I told her, she could not feel the same way and then I would lose her for good.

Which I almost did, so I guess I'm just digging myself a deeper hole.

I don't really remember when I first thought, "Wow, I'm in love with this woman."

Wait, yes I do.

It was the moment I walked into my office at Bartlet for America building and saw her sitting at my desk, answering my calls and managing my schedule, hoping that I wouldn't notice that she hadn't been hired by me. She was so able and willing, even though she had just dumped her long-term boyfriend and left home for a campaign she knew nothing about.

That was the first time I was in love with her.

Then there was the shooting and she lived with me for three weeks. You have no idea how much you fall for someone when they're always around. Only pure will power kept me from just taking her in my arms and kissing her senseless.

After that time, every little thing she said had me going crazy. From when she told me if I was in an accident she wouldn't stop for red lights to when she took me to the hospital to get my hand sewn up to a few days ago when she looked into my eyes after I had almost lost her.

I'm rambling.

I keep focusing on the fact that I almost lost her. I guess I'm forgetting that it's happened. When she left me during the first campaign I felt something almost die in me. But I couldn't let anyone know it. I was Joshua Lyman, the man who never broke. I couldn't lose it because my assistant who I had a major crush on had walked out to go back to Dr. Freeride.

But then she came back. I didn't make a big deal about it, but I went back to my hotel room that night with high spirits.

And then I had her pretty mad at me a few times.

Ok, a lot of times. I had to admit it; I was a class A screw-up. I could say some pretty stupid things sometimes. But she was always there to pick me up, even when I didn't deserve it.

She was right when she said she could do more. I had known for a while that she could do more. I just didn't want to give her ideas because if I did that then she would leave.

I had to let her go with the CODEL. Even though every cell in my body screamed against it when I said yes, I had to. She needed wings. And so instead of saying, "Sure, go to Germany" I sent her to the Middle East.

I almost sent her to her slaughter. What if she had gotten in on the other side of the car? She would have been dead.

That's why I told her that I was going to stop taking blood donors for granted. It was my first step to voicing what I really wanted to say.

Sometimes it takes baby steps to get there. I figure that blood donors will lead to me taking her to dinner once she's better to me finally telling her. Those seem like logical steps.

As I leave to go see Leo, I see her sitting at her desk. She has the pen in her hand and is looking at it. Maybe, just maybe she feels the same about me. Her smile is enough to keep me going for now.

I love this woman.

And that's the thought that has never left me.

It's just a thought, but one day it will be words.

AN: Awwww, if only that would happen on the show. Who's up for petitioning the writers? Ah, well, I hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter is going to be on Toby, titled "It's Just a Joke." Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review!


	4. It's Just A Joke

It's Just a Joke

AN: Wow, of course on the day I go to post my new chapter they shut down the site. Just my luck! Well, I'm back and my muse has finally decided to come back from Disney World and help me out. The next chapters should be coming quicker now. This chapter is from Toby's POV with a little Toby/Andi thrown in because I am a hopeless romantic in need of therapy. ENJOY!

It's just a joke.

Well, it was a joke that time.

Handing CJ my letter of resignation was just a joke. But it reminded me of the times I had wanted to truly hand in my letter of resignation. Times when I felt so low that I wanted to just go and find some dark corner to hide in.

Like the leadership breakfast. That was bad. Telling Ann Stark that you'll attach an amendment to anything that moves is a _very _bad idea. When I went to see the President, he refused to see me. That's how stupid I was.

I'm not known as the funny one around here. I'm the serious one. I'm the one who storms around scaring the pants off anyone I see when there's a leak that injures us. I'm the one who keeps Josh in line when he's a complete moron and says stupid things.

I keep myself busy. I write.

And then there's the twins. Those two made me change so much. From my first realization that babies come with hats, I knew that I would move heaven and earth to protect these little ones. I swore that they would always know my face. They would always know that I loved them. Since that night, they've done nothing but grow. It surprises me that I was that small once.

CJ tells me it's everyone's assumption that with my attitude I was born at the age of 25. I guess I could agree with her with that.

I've told myself many times that I should lighten up. But then something happens that makes me believe that if I lighten up, I could lose everything.

I almost lost Andi. In the minute and a half that I had no idea whether or not she was alive, I thought I could die. I imagine the look on my face was the same as the one on Josh's. Pure terror. Our women were over there.

I was lucky. Andi called me after that minute and a half. Then she stood there and waved to us on TV. In that moment, I wanted to be there by her side and hold her and never let go. I wanted to lock her in the house with the twins and tell them they could never come out again because the world is too dangerous. If I would have done that, she probably would have either cracked up or cried, because women are like that.

Cracked up because you'd think I knew that already. Cried because women have this thing where if a man does something sweet, they believe we will never do it again and so if they cry, they believe we will understand that they want it done more often. I'm with Josh in the fact that the crying does not make me want to do something sweet again. It makes me afraid because I think I've a. done something wrong or b. just walked into a deathtrap of good deeds and woman-pleasing.

When I picked Andi up from the airport, after Gaza, we didn't say a word to each other. We just hugged. For a very long time. Then we got in the car, and we still didn't talk. It wasn't until I walked her into her house. I carried her bag in and she was standing in the kitchen. I looked and saw she was crying. She just looked so scared. I took her in my arms again and held her as if I would never let her go. It was then that I whispered that I loved her and she whispered it back.

Since then, I haven't brought up the marriage thing. Or anything to do with anything, really. She's been staying home with the twins while I continue on with my work. We've just tried to be normal. Well, as normal as we can be.

She called me when I briefed for the first time. And she was laughing pretty hard. She liked the purse line. I told her to go watch our children and tell them how stupid Daddy is.

Why I'm not known as the funny one is because my jokes are often misconstrued. The purse line was not misconstrued. I was just an idiot. And all I did was make a joke to try to lighten the mood.

It was just a joke.

AN: I love Toby, really I do, so this chapter was one of my favorites. I feel Toby is often just seen as the depressing one, so this was his (my) side of the story. Hope you liked it. The next chapter will be another Donna POV chapter (with more of the J/D that you all love) called "It's Just a Thing". Now, what is the thing?? Guess you'll have to read to find out (Oh, I'm so devious.) Please review!!


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